I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
