Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
