There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
