Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
