And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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