how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
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everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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