We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
