my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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