dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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