Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
