It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
