I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
