I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
babies were throwing up all over the place
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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