i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
