I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
