She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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