mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
