the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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