Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
