This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
