The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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