His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
