She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
