hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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