I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
