All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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