Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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