her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
