it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
