does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
