I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
