Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
