she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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