they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Someone signed my nipple.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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