hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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