It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
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I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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