he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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