trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The uberlube is also flammable
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
