your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
