I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
