WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
