Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
