Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize