FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
