she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think people are normalizing furries
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet