Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place