you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.