Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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