When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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