So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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