Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
