Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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