let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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