hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
