he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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