BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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