Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
