Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
