I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
