I just pynch a tree in the face
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
