ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i think my cat just said my name.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
