I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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