I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
