I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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