the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
