YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
