i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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