Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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