you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
