My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
