Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
