Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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