Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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