Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
