so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
